*Note: I began this blog a few years ago as a way to showcase more of my photography that didn't have a home in my portfolios. Also, to write about any thoughts or subjects that I felt like without having any constraints or ulterior motives. I started writing to nobody in particular and had minimal readers. In the past several months a lot more people from all over the world who have no idea who the hell I actually am, have begun reading this blog. So in an attempt to offer some insight into who I am as a person I will be making an effort to touch on more personal thoughts, issues and details from my life. And for those who don't give a shit who I am, I will still have some sexy photos you can skip to. I will also begin to allow comments and would love to hear from people if they feel any reason at all to make their voice heard.
It is about 48 hours before I begin my journey back to Santiago. I call it a journey because there will be over 24 hours of travel between multiple countries. My flight leaves at 3:30am on Wednesday morning (I didn't even know they had flights that early), so obviously I won't be sleeping and will probably begin my trip to the airport with detours at a few bars. I then land in Bogota, Colombia at 6:30am and have a 17 hour layover. Fortunately, I can leave the airport and will get a free day to explore Bogota. My flight to Santiago then leaves at 11:30pm and lands at 5:05am the next day. So it sounds kinda shitty on paper, but getting to check out Bogota makes it all worth while.
The past 24 days have been creatively inspiring for me. There have been ups, downs, a lot of running around and a whole mess of thoughts, feelings and moments of reflection.
Returning to NY for three weeks felt like stepping back in time. I began a new chapter in my life by moving to Chile. I took a step in a completely different direction, but then, quite suddenly, I was back in NY working the same types of jobs, seeing the same people and living the same life of running in out of the city between work, friends and family. It was mostly enjoyable, but equally perplexing. I was doing work I enjoyed for companies I legitimately support and wanted to be a part of. I was seeing friends and family during all of my spare time and in reality I should have nothing to complain about. Yet, there was something inside of me telling me I shouldn't be here. My place in life is no longer in NY. Who knows where my place will be in a year or even four months. But at this exact moment I belong in Chile.
I have been battling these conflicting emotions since I first set foot in NY. These feelings, induced by my environment, offered a unique position for personal reflection. My time here has given me reassurance that living in Chile does make sense right now. My inner desire to return as soon as possible let me know that yes, I do enjoy it there and truly want to be there.
It also enforced a thought that I already knew. That there are more important things in life than money. I'm 26 years old and money has never been a goal for me. I have turned down more work opportunities than I prefer to think about, but everything has turned out in ways I am genuinely happy about. I am realistic and understand the importance of money in life, but only use it as a tool to make other things happen. I don't want it just to have it and certainly don't care about excess. I prefer enriching life experience over a secure job. I find far more fulfillment and happiness in achieving personal goals and discovering as much as I can about people, the world around me and most importantly myself.
Photography has been a way for me to release a lot of creative energy I never before knew what to do with. It also gave me a way to legitimize my wanderlust desires and more productively process my thoughts and experiences. Photography has become an obsession, and something I do for personal interest and nothing more. I do strive to work for certain companies, doing certain types of projects and using these opportunities to challenge myself creatively and ideally support myself financially while doing something I love. But making other people happy and working a shit job where I'm miserable just doesn't fit in my path through life. I have way too many things that I want to accomplish, and way too many things I need to experience, to waste years working a job that doesn't offer an enriching or fulfilling atmosphere.
Being here for a short while, with no concept of how long it will be until I return, forced a lot of importance onto how I spend my free time. It made me aware of the friends that mean more to me. The type of work I do and the lifestyle I live means that I meet a lot of new people. A lot of them are cool people worth knowing, but it sometimes makes it overwhelming to keep in touch and take certain friendships beyond the surface. So moving to Chile and then returning has made it clearer who I truly care about on a deeper level. The sad thing is that I didn't get to see half of them this trip. There just wasn't enough time. But at least it helps me see where my efforts should go.
I am set to return to Chile with a restored sense of creative inspiration and personal thoughts to process. As perplexing as my time here has been it has been insanely productive on a number of levels and I look forward to seeing how things play out in the future. Some of these thoughts may seem out of the blue, and partly out of context, but oh well, hopefully you all will get to know me better in upcoming posts and it will begin to make sense.
And for all of you looking for some sexy photos to skip to, I'm sorry. There are none this post because I'm not on my own computer. But it will give you something to look forward to, I hope!
